


Love You Through the Pain

by LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 19:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou/pseuds/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou
Summary: One morning a comment from Alec causes a conversation with Magnus that reminds him just how strong his boyfriend is.





	Love You Through the Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this while lying awake the other night. Some of what Magnus says is how I've felt. I hope you enjoy it.

Magnus glanced down at Alec; he had fallen asleep in Magnus' arms. Magnus relished in the heat that radiated off the younger man. Finally, for the first time in centuries, Magnus felt at ease. No one had loved him the way Alexander did, with such purity and conviction. He can't say that he wasn't loved, Etta just wanted things that Magnus could not give her. Alec was different, regardless of Magnus' immortality, he ran headfirst into loving Magnus. That was how Alec operated.

Alec began to stir; he opened his eyes slowly. He could feel Magnus' gaze on him. Alec knew that Magnus loved with all his heart, all the time, every time. This was a factor he contemplated over for hours when deciding on a relationship with Magnus. Alec would never regret his decision. Loving Magnus was easier than he thought it would be; almost instinctual.

Magnus had yet to notice that Alec was awake, so he kissed Magnus' bare chest. 

"Good Morning," 

"Good Morning, Alexander. I take it you slept well."

Alec nodded into Magnus, "Your arms are the best place to sleep."

"I'm glad you think so, sweetheart. I've grown accustomed to having you in them. My big, bad, shadowhunter teddy bear." 

Alec chuckled, "Yeah, a teddy bear. I'm not that fuzzy." 

"But you are warm, my dear. I love how your warm skin feels against mine. ," 

"Ah ha, you just love me because I radiate heat. I'm onto you, warlock," Alec teased. 

Alec felt the mood change. He glanced up to see Magnus looking out the window. He brought his hand up to touch Magnus' face. 

"Hey, baby. What's wrong?" 

Alec rarely used pet names. Only when he could tell Magnus was upset, it made him happier. When Magnus' eyes were back on him; he said something that Alec didn't quite understand, at first. 

"She was cold." 

Alec kissed Magnus' chest again, prompting him to continue.

"Camille was cold. When I hold you, I feel warm inside. I remember all the nights I slept next to her and prayed she would love me back. I was still in love with who I thought she was. The hollow feeling of unrequited love gets to us all. There is something different about being in a relationship and not getting back what you give to them. She would sleep with her back towards me. She didn't need to sleep, but it was better than talking. She would get up before me to avoid conversation and sometimes she wouldn't even come to bed. I used to stare at the ceiling wondering how I got into the situation. When I'd get the courage to leave her; she'd do something nice. I'd forget how awful she made me feel." 

"Magnus...," Alec interrupted.

"Alexander, I felt I was at fault. Would she love me more if I changed my clothes or my hair? I tried to be less affectionate. I bent over backward to please her; made myself a different person. I did everything I could, but it wasn't enough. Until I met you, Alexander; I was not enough to make people stay. I put up walls to keep people out. I would rather be alone within my own prison than watch someone else leave." 

Alec lifted his upper body so he could look down at Magnus. The pain that lingered in the older man's eyes was enough to break even the coldest heart. 

"Alexander, if you were immortal, would you stay with me forever?" 

Alec responded hesitantly, "Magnus, I..." 

"I'm not asking you to become immortal, but if you were, do you think you'd stay with me forever?"

Alec leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Magnus' lips before answering, "Magnus, if I were immortal, it would take more than the angels themselves to tear me away from you. You love with everything you have. It is a trait I admire the most about you. The pain you've endured would make a lesser man bitter." 

Magnus pulled Alec down to his chest again.

"I love you so much, Alexander Lightwood," He said with a slight crack in his voice. 

"You can cry if you want to." 

Sounding scandalized Magnus replied, "The High Warlock of Brooklyn does not cry. I'm fine, Alexander." 

Alec didn't look convinced. 

"Well, luckily the High Warlock of Brooklyn isn't on duty. Right now, you are just Magnus Bane. And his boyfriend is here to hold him and make sure he works through his pain. Magnus, you can let go. I promise I won't tell a soul" 

With that, Magnus let the dams break. Tears started to fall as sobs tore through his body. Alec moved so he could pull Magnus on top of him. He held him close as he kissed the top of his head. 

"Why wasn't I enough? Not for my mom to love me. Not enough for Camille to love me. I was never enough." 

Alec held him tighter as he sobbed harder. He let one of his hands rub up and down Magnus' back. As he started to calm down Magnus said, 

"She cheated on me, you know."

"I know, baby. I hate her for it."

"Alexander, I wouldn't wish that empty feeling on my enemy." 

Alec kissed the top of Magnus' head again before replying, "And that is why you are the best person I know." 

"That is why I forgave your mother. When you told me that your father was unfaithful. I understood her." 

"You've already forgiven my mother. Further proof that there is no one on this planet as amazing as you," 

"Oh stop it, Alexander," Magnus said coyly. "Actually, no, don't stop. You know I love it when you tell me how great I am." 

"Ah, there he is. Feeling better now, babe?" 

Alec felt Magnus smile, "Yes, Alexander. I feel better. Sorry for such a heavy topic this morning," 

"Don't apologize. I'm here for you. For better or for worse." 

Magnus lifts himself off Alec. Kneeling next to him still lying on the bed.

"Be careful, sweetheart, that was a marriage reference. Wouldn't want me to get any crazy ideas," 

Alec stood up to head towards the bathroom and said, 

"Not a crazy idea when you think about it. Being married to you. Yeah, I think I can get behind that idea." 

It wasn't until the bathroom door shut that Magnus was pulled out of his fantasy. He walked in as Alec got into the shower. 

"Alexander. That isn't something you just say and walk away." 

"How naughty of me," Alec teased over the sound of falling water. 

Magnus stepped into the shower wrapping his arms around Alec from behind. 

"Yes, my Alexander, how naughty of you. What am I going to do with you?" 

Alec laughed before letting his voice get deep, "Whatever it is you do to naughty boys." 

As he felt Magnus push him against the shower wall, Alec thought, 'yeah, I'm definitely going to marry him.' 


End file.
